Log in

No account? Create an account
this little relief [entries|friends|calendar]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[20 May 2007|09:53pm]
i wish i could say something sentimental. but i wont.
yes, its the end of high school. two days left for me to be exact. and here i am writing in the same livejournal i've had since the sixth grade. 

funny, i remember a day when i used to have to know html codes to change the size. now its all right here. it has gotten simpler with time, but i have gotten complicated.

it seems to others as i say exactly how i feel all the time. often, however, this is not the case.

i feel happy. i feel sad. i feel in love, yet i feel broken hearted.
my bestfriend is no more. that was made clear today. i am an afterthought, someone who can be put on the backburner with ease. i am not important, i am the person you make plans with because you have nothing better to do. you tell me nothing. i dont know you any more. the sad part is, im not sure if i ever did.

and then theres nick. wonderful, wonderful nick. or so he seems. i love him more than words. but sometimes there feels like many things come with the same time restriction as high school.

things will get clearer. they have a way of doing that, i hope.
good intentions?

heres a little bit of how i've been feeling lately. [12 Apr 2006|03:40pm]
i used to always want to be a lawyer. i think for the first fifteen years of my life i could dream of nothing else. i loved debating. what happened, you ask? my first boyfriend happened. boys have helped me to learn that i do not like arguing so much. sure, the occasional argument is wonderful. but i am BEYOND SICK of having the SAME ARGUMENT/CONVERSATION with multiple people on a daily basis.

this is all very silly. some people just dont understand that i do not have to explain myself or my decisions to them. obviously i wasn't going to do something i did not feel was justified. and as far as i'm concerned, it was perfectly reasonable. let's just put it out there; i hate the fact that many of my friends feel compelled to make smoking their number one priority. but, that is their choice. however, when it begins to affect me, i begin to care a little more.

pretty much, i'll do what i think is right. you can like it or not like it, but that's how it's going to be.

i actually feel okay right now. i'm liking that. i looked at my old journal entries and it seemed like i could never stay happy for more than a week. maybe this is what i need; a break from boys.

i leave for italy in two days. i have not packed. but i am absolutely thrilled to go. i cannot wait to get away from here. things are retarded; even my friends.

let me just say its ridiculous how some people are. one minute you're number one in their life and the next it's like you were never important. am i being ridiculous to think that i should come before boys? my friends have always came before the boyfriends in my life. i thought i would be treated with the same respect, i guess i thought wrong.

and on that bitchy note, valete.
000001 good intentions?

[29 Mar 2006|09:15pm]
i enjoy sunny days, leaving school at one, and sitting in a tree outside my house with the boy i love.

i do not enjoy when scary men try to talk to me at stop lights. its creepy. boys, please refrain from soliciting girls at stoplights; they dont like it.

important news; i am making breaking ground with a jawbreaker i got for valentines day! over a month later, and i think i've hit layer ten now! woot woot!

i cant wait until summer. school is getting ridiculous. i need trips to the grismill in the beetle & centinial beach & christie and amanda week & just over all lazyness!

good intentions?

[28 Mar 2006|02:20pm]
[ mood | happy =) ]


I LOVE NOT BEING AT SCHOOL UNTIL LIKE 1050! ( i had a c period study.)

it was amazing, this morning i went out to breakfast. pizzi was supposed to join but he's mad gay so it was just me and nick... then we hung out at my house.

around 1040 we went off to school. math was long and tedious... i was distracted. it doesnt matter how old i get, when its nice out i cant stand being in school. (and other things helped distract me...).

after math was lunch and that was surprisingly good. we all talked to assley on the telephone. she is lovely and i miss her. then english and facing history wizzed by.

all in all, good day.

and... best part is, tomorrow will be even better. i get to go in late AND leave early. tis good, tis good. however, i am not looking forward to this weekend for the most part; FUCK THE SAT!

000002 good intentions?

[23 Mar 2006|05:06pm]
"you can be my james dean
i'll be your sweet queen."

did i mention senses fail owns me? cause they do.

i love the weather. i love getting out of school at 12 when it is ever so sunny. it makes me feel happy, for a little atleast.

and for the most part im enjoying life, my boyfriend, everything. i cant help but feeling like somethings missing though. i need that piece back. desperately.

it was nice when i felt completely happy.

and i would also be nice if i could figure out next year...
is it okay just to do three academics if they're all AP? should i do four? i dont want to do four. damn it. some one help me.

and my friends are going to florida... soo GOODDDD LUCK GIRLS!
000002 good intentions?

whats this?! a happy livejournal entry!??! [21 Mar 2006|09:10pm]
shit's craaaaazzzy man.

life is very hectic. tomorrow is course selections and i have no idea what im doing with my life. the idea of senior year approaching so fast scares me really. that means college soon, which means real life soon. and lets face it, i fear new situations.

did i mention i hate march? it just drags. but this year we did have one day off, so that is a plus. also, i enjoy the many events that take place. the prom talk is getting absolutely ridiculous. thats all the girls ever talk about. hopefully we're not building it up to be greater than it will be..? what will we talk about when its over? haha.

surprisingly enough though, nothing is really bothering me lately. i have no contraversial issues to speak of. things are good. i am happy. i am doing well in school. march is almost, yet not quite, over. april is coming soon and with that ROME! i could not be more excited. me + meg = roomates YAYAYYYYYY!

spring brings joy.
000001 good intentions?

[18 Mar 2006|10:21am]
i love going out on a friday night,
to tgif and pretending it's julies birthday; meeting christie's twin; getting my food "medium"; singing to the postal service; watching julie try on pants that are much to large for her and having her say "i think i need a size bigger"; driving home with kori and being the "firsht" ones home; talking to mark simon while he's drunk; and playing spit just to stay awake so kori wont puke on me any more.

i have the best of times, with the best of friends.

although, i cant say i loved the puke part. pukey mcpukepuke needs to learn her limit and not give me attitude when im taking car of her. ridic.

oh, and if you're wondering... i owned julie at spit. because i am the champion. beeeeitches.
good intentions?

[29 Jan 2006|02:17pm]
i am feeling apprehensive.

it is getting to the point where i have to make a decision. but i dont want to, i dont want to times a thousand! thing are okay the way they are, i suppose. but they have to change; HELP!

i miss you. i miss you more than anything. you are the only time i have ever been completely happy.

i am happy now, but this is different.

i just need someone to talk to. like a shrink. send me to a shrink, we'll have some good times together. i am crazy.

i could live in a book, you know. but really, i wish i could.


too much drugs, too much alcohol. i miss me the most. junior year is not as was expected. i wish to be static, to be unchanging. i wish i had never changed. i want it back, but at the same time i want something new.

this may or may not be the most confusing thing ever.

boys make my life complicated. i should be a lesbian, if only i was attracted to women, which i am not. sigh.

life is pathetic. you spend this whole time searching for someone to be with. and yet, the whole concept of it is completely warped. there is an inevitable breakup. but no one really thinks of that. i do, and i still cant figure out if it's worth it. will it be worth it?

thats all i want to know;

will it be worth it?

000004 good intentions?

[27 Nov 2005|05:18pm]
[ mood | okay =) ]

my favorite holiday has come and gone. and all i have to say about that is, i want more pie.

i absolutely love long weekends, but when they end it really sucks. (today is sunday). another negative is that lauren is home for much too long, and i begin to hate her again, haha.

and besides nick breaking my car (DIE NICK DIE!), this weekend has been nothing short of interesting. very marvelous, i'd say. however, im still as confused as i've ever been. some have said things will just fall into place, but the way things are going i think i'm going to have PUT things into their rightful places. figuring out the rightful place will be the hard part though, so bear with me.

its like i'm being offered two completely different worlds. but which one do i belong in?

life is weird without a boyfriend... for me, at least. h e l p.

its like vodka and gin in the same cup.

000001 good intentions?

[06 Nov 2005|12:39am]
i love christie and this fucking survey

10 Years Ago I:
-was in kingergarden
-was listening to rap music constantly
-was hoing to my aunts everyday

5 Years Ago I:
-was best friends with sam, tanya, and kat
-was a completely bitch
-was great at debating

1 Year Ago I:
-was falling in love with ken bergeron
-was happy for the first time in a long time
-was diagnosed with the whooping cough because christie started an epidemic haha

Yesterday I:
-went to school
-went to my house with kev
-went to the mall with nick and pizzi
-went to blockbuster with ken to rent grease

10 Songs I Know All The Words To:
1. Mr. Jones - Counting Crows
2. This Ride - The Starting Line
3. The Last Song- The All-American Rejects
4. Holiday in Spain - Counting Crows
5. Friday I'm in Love - The Cure
6. My Space is Your Space - Madison
7. You Star - All American Rejects
8. Jude Law and a Semester Abroad - Brand New
9. 14 Balloons - Matchbook Romance
10. Seventy times Seven - Brand New

5 Things I would do with a 100 million dollars:
1. buy a big fucking house man
2. buy a pink car for everyday of the week
3. buy my friends awesome shit
4. Buy an air hockey table
5. buy a night club

5 Places I would Run Away To:
1. Christie's house
2. Kori's house
3. Julie's house
4. New York
5. Venice

5 Things I would Never wear:
1. Spandex
2. Earth tones
3. tech vests (so sixth grade ahhahaha)
4. wool
5. shirts with shoulder pads?

5 Favorite TV Shows:
1. gilmore girls
2. nip/tuck
3. House
4. Cheers
5. Boy Meets World

5 Bad Habits:
1. doing things i know i shouldnt
2. procrastinating
3. eavesdropping.. hahaha i'm so bad.
4. being fucking nosey!
5. bitching

5 Biggest Joys:
1. friends
2. music
3. laughing... a lot
4. good conversations
5. kissing

5 Fictional Characters I Would Date:
2. teddy from stand by me
3. marcus flutie from sloppy firsts/second helpings
4. sean hunter
5. nate from gossip girls.
000002 good intentions?

[17 Oct 2005|04:03pm]

those were some great moments.
000001 good intentions?

[16 Oct 2005|07:36pm]
its about time for my almost monthly update. i've totally fallen out of livejournal, and pretty much writing altogether. it makes me reevaluate my life. do i really want to write? i'm much better at math. i just dont know if i can do it any more. i dont know if thats me any more.

so any way, i started working again. (haha, as if you knew i stopped!) yeah, i didnt work all of september. but now its back, and i guess i'll make a habbit of it. going to see sammy makes me feel like a better person.

in great news, it feels just like last fall. i love the weather, besides the fact that we just got 8 feet of rain (literally, they said it on the news! 8 fucking feet!). i love fall, its happy. i cant wait for halloween. october is by far my favorite month, besides my lovely boyfriend being gone every weekend (which is pretty lame). i went up to see him at the haunted house last night, he didnt scare me! it was cool though, cause i went with pyle. and did i mention that I LOVE MIKE PYLE!?

life feels good right now and i'm really digging that. nothings really wrong, with my life anyway. and i intend to keep it that way. i am so happy right now, its actually incredible. i dont think i've ever been so satisfied. funny, if you had said to me during freshman year that there was a better feeling than i was feeling, i wouldnt have believed you. i would have laughed at you. its amazing how niave we can be. ironicly enough, i still truly believe that i will never be happier than this. but some day, i'll look back on this and call myself niave. but that is life.

i'm just happy to feel the way i do. so happy.
000001 good intentions?

[28 Sep 2005|07:55pm]
"how do i get back there to the place where i fell asleep inside you"

ohhh life.

i am just a face in the hallway. and i never thought it would come down to that.

luckily i dont rely on you to make me happy any more. you were a failure at that. apparently a failure at friendship too, because we cant seem to maintain that either.

at moments like this i am so greatful for my wonderful boyfriend. ken bergeron i love you so much and i dont know what i'd do with out you.

still, losing the friend sucks.

in other news. i've been kind of out of it lately, like something is just out of step inside me and i cant figure out what that is. randy is calling more than ever and i cant help but wish he'd just leave me alone. trying to be a father now is a little too late, dont you think?

i am patheticly raving in my live journal no one reads, or secretly does and i probably dont even know them. THAT IS HOW PATHETIC MY LIFE IS!
000004 good intentions?

[29 Aug 2005|02:47pm]
well summer has come and gone.

the luau was a great time, as it was last year. its weird, cause once the luau passes you know: summer is really over.

i must say, i am so not looking foward to school. its not going to be very good. it'll be strange when i have to walk to class all alone. oh well. i am, however, happy that i will be seeing some people who have been absent from my life all summer long. As for some others, i will not be too thrilled to see them.

all in all, good summer. two thumbs up. i wasnt as productive as i wanted to be, but hey, i'll live.

life is good and i hope it stays this way.
000004 good intentions?

[09 Aug 2005|07:03pm]
seeing as i have been threatened by my sisters noseyyyyyyy best friend to update my journal, i suppose i'll update.

nothing has really changed. everything is the same. people are the same. those who have always been disapointing have continued to disapoint. but the great ones have stayed great. shit with ken is amazing. i am really happy about my life right now. however, i cannot say i have the same feelings about the lives of others. if only everyone was completely happy. if only.

school is approaching steady and fast. i dont know how i feel about that. the idea of junior year blows man. but oh well, life goes on. you get older, you cant help it.

today a five year old told me he wished i wasnt so old. oh and that i would lose 100 pounds. ha!

leave an amusing comment and i might just update more. (no, i wont really.)

so get dressed in your formal attire cause im picking you out of the crowd. word on the street is that positions for hire, but you wouldnt be interested any way.
000003 good intentions?

[22 Jul 2005|03:53pm]
yesterday i went to the academy is concert with tori, chris, pizzi, kevin, jlee, and daniel. it was an amazing show and i have decided that i absolutely love the bands june and the plain white t's. days away is pretty horrible. after the show i got the hott bass player from june to sign my jeans and tee shirt that i bought. and i also got the lead singer from plain white t's to sign my jeans as well. all in all, good good times.

today boyface came and woke me up at 11. we went out to breakfast at jakes, which, at the time was lacking power, but soon gained it back. breakfast was good, then we came back to my house.

today came with the painful reminder that there is only one month left of summer. and that completely sucks. life after this summer sort of scares me. for the first time in a long time, i dont know what to expect. getting older is scary.
000004 good intentions?

[18 Jul 2005|11:49pm]
harry potter harry potter harry potter harry potter <333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
000001 good intentions?

[15 Jul 2005|12:06pm]
well its been awhile. i've been doing a whole bunch of stuff, but i've had time, so i cant excuse myself. however, i've been doing a lot less writing in my real journal (i.e. absolutely none) than i have been doing in this.

summer has been really good, although sort of disapointing. i see christie practically every day, but the same cannot be said for my other best friends. i mean, i see kori generally a lot but i almost never see julie. sometimes i feel like thats her choice, and that she could make time to see me if she really chose to, but she doesnt. sometimes i wish she would. but oh well, people change. its alright if she doesnt want to spend time with me.

yesterday wee had cake at drivers ed for erin's birthday. it was good, we also took our tests. so easy, so easy. my last class is on monday for two hours. blegh, then its back to work for me.

oh and by the way! i got the new AAR cd! it is amazingly good. i love it.

however, i must cut this entry short because my mother has left me a threatening note concerning the upstairs portion of my household. goddamn i hate cleaning.

000001 good intentions?

...and eventually you'll finally get it right. [08 Jul 2005|01:59pm]
yesterday was my 3 year anniversaryy with christie! it was sweet. we FINALLY watched a clockwork orange. sweeeeeeet flick. im so, so glad it wasnt disapointing after we've been building it up for over a year.

today is the first day since the fourth i've been able to sleep it. going to drivers ed is a bitch, i've decided. but its nice bonding with all the people i never see.

if it doesnt rain today, im going to see lover play some baseball. hopefully there'll be a fish dance haha ? then we're going to see the fantastic 4, because SOMEONE neglected to take me to batman, cause he went with his friends. GRRRR.

i had to go to school to get a work permit this morning. i cannot wait to get paid. i know i need to save the money, but i cant help but think of a million things i want to buy! things amanda wants/needs;

1. new clothes
2. new room accessories
4. THX!
5. American Graffiti
6. LOTS OF SHOES (specificaly, MORE CONVERSE. theres this really hot blue pair i want.)

and the list goes on, and on and on and on.

oh ANNNNNNNNNNNND mom bought me and christie a konditor meister cake! ummyumms<3333
000002 good intentions?

[06 Jul 2005|10:50pm]
i've started drivers ed. its a good time, an earrrrrrly time. but alas, a good one.

today i chilled with greg and pizzi. wonderful having two half naked, skyscraper like boys running around my house. it was cute

then i hung with rose, christie, and tyler. good times. ty is a cowboyyyyyy.

tomorrow, more drivers ed. i hate waking up early.

life is very, very busy and i hate it. sadly enough, i just cannot wait for my summer to settle down. im actually looking foward to school a little bit already.
good intentions?

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]